Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Chapter 51 - Falling Apart

Sorry this is short, I have a major headache, and I have to go shovel the 800 feet of snow outside LOL.

Megan's POV

I couldn't believe I was here. I couldn't believe that I had been hoodwinked into going on this stupid excuse of a trip.
Not only did they want me to share a cabin with a bunch of women I hardly knew, but I was also not going to be able to have sex, AT ALL. Oh, and who could forget the fact that the girls wanted to go flirt with other men, that was the last thing I wanted to do.
Trying to make people jealous didn't usually work out so good for either party; especially not Jordan and me. I had to find some way out of this.

I glanced out the window as we drove towards the snow-covered town; looking very much like the inside of some touristy snow-globe.
My new phone vibrated and I saw that I had a message from Jordan - damned if I knew how to get to it though. It was a blackpod or an iberry; one of the two - but it looked more to me like the communicator Shatner use to use whenever he needed to get in touch with the Enterprise...
Speaking of Captain Kirk... didn't he die falling off a cliff and getting crushed by a bridge?
I swallowed hard as I felt the SUV cruse onto the icy bridge... this is not good at all.

It also didn't help that I was the size of a good-year blimp.

Of course no one would say anything, but they were all looking at me with that condescending 'someone had too many chocolates' smirk.
Even Jordan was looking at me funny, although, with the mood I'd been in lately, he knew better than to say anything; if he valued holding onto the family jewels that is.

I watched the other girls walk down the drive in front of me; their arms all interlocked as the giggled and slid along the ice. They stopped abruptly and so did I, not wanting to catch up to them.
They wanted to go find guys and dance; I wanted some stiff shots of liquid cocaine.
I looked up as they started laughing, catching sight of the boys wearing bathrobes and drinking - having a jolly old fucking time. That son of a bitch... I thought miserably as I saw Jordan standing beside Sidney and some other guy I didn't recognize. He gave me a sad smile, as the other girls started walking, realizing that I wasn't actually going out 'with' them. I shot him daggers with my eyes, repeating the words 'I'm going to smoother you while you sleep', over and over in my head; hoping his subconscious would pick up on it.

I was on my fifth shot of poison when the Mel girl wandered over to me. "Hey! You wanna come dance with us?"

"Nope." I said, popping the 'p' as I tipped the burning liquid down my throat.

"Should you really be drinking that...?"

I turned around to face her, exhaling loudly as I slammed the glass down on the counter top. I tilted my head towards her hand - pointedly reminding her of the fruity Smirnoff she was holding. She bit her lip and stared down at my noticeable stomach roll. "Listen, I'm gonna be honest. I don't give a shit about calorie intake if that's what you're getting at... and stop looking at me like that!" I snapped, turning around on the bar stool and ordering another drink.

She shifted her weight uncomfortably before finally backing off, I watched her leave, rolling my eyes as she went.
Normally I wasn’t so blatantly horrible to people - at least not to people that didn’t deserve it - but for whatever reason, I was raging mad all the time. It also didn't help that I was surrounded by women that looked like they could be posing for a magazine shoot at any time. They were all perfect and pristine, I was pushing pudgy.

Not only was I moody, but I was incredibly horny and disgusted with the thought of sex, at the same time.
I also had an uncontrollable urge to kill Jordan, while eating some Krispy Kream doughnuts… fuck I want doughnuts.

I allowed my mind to wander over Jordan, and what he was doing right now. Suddenly, I was overcome with the need to cry; I hated the fact that he was so close and so far at the same time.
Shouldn’t I just be allowed to spend as much time with my boyfriend as I wanted? And really, what the hell is wrong with these girls?
Our men are gone like 99% of the time, and then they want to waste all this time off by ignoring them?

The more I thought about it, the more upset I got… there was no way I was going to sit in this bar and watch a bunch of girls I hardly knew, hit on random guys. They might enjoy spending time away from their boyfriends, but I certainly did not.
I grabbed my bag and coat off the stool beside me and headed for the door. I could see the girls all laughing and dancing in the room - Harley among them - but I kept going, trying not to gain their attention.
I stumbled home, not actually realizing how much I drank until I was trudging through the cold slush; barely able to keep my footing.

I took a deep breath, almost in tears as I bent over to unzip my boots. I couldn’t believe how much weight I had gained in the past month, it was disgusting.
I peeled myself out of my clothing, throwing it down onto the floor of my room. I walked over to the mirror, turning sideways as I examined my curves. I exhaled loudly, pushing all the air out of my lungs in an attempt to make myself skinny.

Finally giving up I grabbed a quilt off the bed and wrapped it around my naked body; tears falling freely down my face as I headed out into the empty cabin. I walked into the kitchen, grabbing the phone off the wall and punching in Jordan’s number.

“Hello?” He yelled, music and laughter pounding in the background behind him.

I sighed. “Having a good time?” I asked, my voice hostile.

“Megan? Are you crying? Turn that off Army… I can’t hear anything.” He said, shooting the last part away from the phone.

“No.” I spat, once the music got quieter. “I’m not crying…” I sobbed, taking a deep breath to steady my voice. “I was drinking… that’s all.”

“Oh…” He said slowly, suddenly sounding upset. “How much did you drink babe?”

“Why does it matter? Why the fuck is everyone so concerned with how much I drink?!”

“Megan I didn’t…”

“I’m leaving tomorrow Jordan. I’m going home. I don’t want to be here with these stupid girls, in this stupid cabin, in this stupid fucking ski town. I DON’T EVEN LIKE SKIING! I FUCKING HATE SNOW!
Did you even know that? No, cause you didn’t fucking ask me when you just assumed that I wanted to be here… this is not my thing Jordan! These are your fucking friends, you spend time with them.”

“Megan, where are you?” The room around him was deathly quiet now, and I could only assume that they could all hear me. Normally I didn’t like to air my dirty laundry in front of people, but I didn’t care; and even if I did, I couldn’t stop the emotions that were welling up inside of me. “Megan, where are you?!” He asked again, this time anxiously.

“Jordan… I’m fat!” I cried, flopping down onto one of the kitchen chairs.

“Ugh… what? What did you drink?” When I didn’t answer he pressed on. “Babe, I’m coming over, I’ll be there in a minute ok.”

I nodded, not even realizing that he couldn’t see me. The line went dead and I allowed my forehead to slam into the kitchen table.
I felt like I was falling apart. My body was aching, a mixture of alcohol and actual physical pain pulsing through me. I was an emotional wreck, and I hated myself for it.
I was never one of those girls; the 'if you don't know I'm not going to tell you' type. I was usually able to control myself better, unless I was really pushed; which in this situation, I wasn't.
Jordan hadn't done anything to me and neither had any of the girls... there was just something wrong with me, and I didn't know what it was.
I pulled the quilt around me tighter as I glanced up at the front window. I could already see Jordan running across the street towards me; pulling his hood down low over his face.

I felt horrible as I saw him reach the front steps. I had just ruined not only his entire night, but his whole trip as well.
His friends were going to assume that I was completely crazy, and were never going to let him forget it.

I sighed deeply as the front door flew open and Jordan’s eyes fell on me.


  1. Is she preggers???? Sounds like it to me!!

  2. Aww, such a good chapter :)

    I love writing with you lol !